hi, i'm ellen, 17, recovering or atleast trying, here if you need a shoulder to lean on or a voice to guide you, or just some ears to listen to your problems, never forget you are beautiful xxx :)
Why is this so difficult.
You don’t have to recover so you can hike far away mountains and explore other countries and take over the world. Those goals can be unrealistic and hard to imagine sometimes.
Recover so you can go to a grocery store without crying.
Recover so that you can eat the same meal as your family.
Recover so that friends don’t expect you to cancel plans.
Recover so that food is just food.
(and then take over the world)
Tomorrow is a new day, a new week, a new chance. Time to breath, chill, take it easy & think logically.
Just had dinner & snack- feeling better but still a bit shakey.
My mum said some very horrible things I me today which genuinely have made me feel quite suicidle. I haven’t eaten since 7.30am ie it’s now 4.30pm & I’m freaking out.
Wow wow wow. Sometimes i do really well for a few days then BAM- urges to restrict, lose weight.
This sounds so silly but it’s usually when my parents don’t comment on my food or weight that I think- okay they think I’m fine/fat/need to lose weight.
I know it’s irrational.
The only only thing stopping me from restricting is the fact I need to revise & be able to concentrate & with the amount I’m eating early in the day I’m finding that difficult even now.
Sorry just had to let that out.
IT IS NOT A COMPETITION
MY RECOVERY IS THE ONLY RECOVERY I MUST FOCUS ON!!!!! not the girl who is eating a smaller meal than me, not the boy who did exercise today, not the person who posted their lowest weight and never shuts up about it!!!!!! this is my life not theirs i need to focus on recovering for MYSELF. Not anybody else!!!